Soooo my cousin sent this to me via e-mail,she stole it from someone elses..(.lol love u nik)

I'm going to do it. I think it's awesome. I don't realize alot of things until they're written down....Yall should do it with me

30 days of letter writing

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

#ShallowMoments

where do i even begin . sorry for the delay... then again i'm not...

let's play catch up real quick: business is BOOMING, i'm still fab, they're probably still jealous (*wink*), God is still real, ppl are still crazy, i'm still me, Only better.

a

self-es⋅teem

  [self-i-steem ]

–noun

1.	a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

respect for or favorable impression of oneself

Ok so, recently ,as of November, I have began a new journey in my life: weight loss. Now i'm not huge, but I'm NOOOO way near skinny either. I just grew tired of the horrible selection of clothes, and not wanting to take pics. (i HATED the way I looked in pics, still do). So as I've become obsessed with my decision , I've also begun a MAJOR self -inventory. What's REALLY the problem and how many other women have the same issue? I have girlfriends that are a size 8 and want to be a 2, a 14 that want to be a 6, light-skinned but want to be "bronze", dark skinned but want to be light, tall want to be short, long hair/short, curly/hair straight blah blah blah. I mean you get the picture. So I'm thinking "Why aren't we really just satisfied with EXACTLY who we are?" Well I'm going to tell you who got me f*cked all the way up in the head: Serena "I'm-sexing-Common-and- ya'll- mad " Williams. NO, really; HOW is she thick as hell, and cut ALL the way up?? I mean her body is SICCKKKKKK...And Beyonce "yall-bitches-gone-hate-and -I-love-it" Knowles> I shant not go off into a rant on WHY, it's pretty self explanatory and painfully obvious... But it's way deeper than even that. Even the most confident person (or at least one who appears this way) has some of the most unexpected insecurities . Someone really close to me ,mentioned a comment someone made to them about "body type": (loosely quoted) 'I'm glad you are losing weight, I don't hang around fat ppl....we could still be friends, We just couldn't be seen in public together" ..... are u gagging yet? cause I damn sure did. Now,let me say this , I have THEE shallowest moments, and am a proud Plastic at times ( sue me), but THIS one hit a nerve. I think it's b/c of the misconception that every one that gains weight, or is naturally "over-weight', or just not as small as your skinny ass ( told u this was personal), that it's b/c the person was being a gluttonous slob. This couldn't be further from the truth. There are MANY, MANY times in life when we don't have a clue what ppl are going through in life.

Scenario:

Imagine being 19, a size 6/8; You go to the doctor, and what ever condition you have HAS to be treated with steroids, and you gain 80lbs over a span of 8 months. Now, everybody that sees you asks "when you're due?", or says, " when did you have a baby?", or my fave, " I didn't know you were pregnant"....

yuup, that was me

Now, let us not get this thing misconstrued , I was never a sloppy joint; never messy. People STILL want to be me for Halloween... lol!!!! <--that was a good one (so shallow , I know).. but i KNOW how it feels...

So, in conclusion, you skinny light skinned, long hair bitties, be thankful for what you're blessed with; bald- headed, navy blue , skin flawless, Alek Wek joints, embrace it; 18inch Remy (velvet, saga or goddess), hazel contacts, ass shot receiving mamas, love YOU, I mean, it's YOUR money (or his) LOVE it!!

Don't let America/ the media/ or someone that has no idea about you or YOUR story dictate what you should feel about YOU. We're all BEAUTIFUL MASTERPEICES. God doesn't create anything less....now if you choose to be a mess, That is indeed, your business.. ;)

Ciao Loves

me

Loving God, Loving me, Loving you, Loving Life

P.S. feel free to comment.

Why men Love Bitches

smh.............ok now this is really getting ridiculous........ this is going tobe another random ass, ranting ass blog......

so much to say..and all the time in the world

Disclaimer: alot of my rants recently have been about men. you know why? b/c i don't have any issues in any other dept...don't get me wrong mylif eisn't perfect, just perfect for me...i also like to voice the opinions of my fellow cohorts.....


the title speaks for itself. i'm about 2go back to being THE biggest BITCH the east coast has ever encountered.. these are the only women that seem to get any respect..and not just your average nose-in-the-air-attitude-with-the-world, bitch. I'm going to be a GHETTO ASS -nose-in-the-air-attitude-with-the-world, bitch..they seem to be the only women that get anything done. They get the all jobs/careers/ scholarship money to school/ all the men good ,bad ,and ugly....all the respect in the world.. and i have my own opinion as to why i think this is: nobody wants to cross or disrespect a female they know will break/burn some shit up if things dont go right. I mean really . lets think about it: if there was somebody you knew would: embarass you ANYWHERE, bust all the windows out your car (word to Jazmine"i-have-a-whole-style-team-and-i-still-wear-nappy-wigs-and-the-same-liquid-leggings -for -every-performance -Sullivan) call your mother and talk shit to her, fight any other person u decide to be with, cut/bleach/rip your clothes, go through your phone an call back all the numbers THEY dont recognize ( like it's not YOUR damn phone)... I mean do i have to go on???? These rats are the ones that get all the respect.




Now, when you're respectful, don't like to argue but would rather discuss any issue, would never think of disrespecting him in public cause you respect him too much as a man , respect his parents too much to EVER call cursing or disrespecting them, don't use the kids against him (if there are kids involved) in any circumstance, give him his space and time with friends when needed, you get NO RESPECT..I mean cant even get in the game. Attend practice daily but cant even get off the damn bench......smh.....it's really a shame....i know TOO many decent , scratch that, way above average women that cant even MEET decent men. and God forbid you take care of yourself *gasp* don't have your hair done, mani/pedi, nice wardrobe, car etc.....Oh God NO.....you're really not worth their time......so sad that alot the other sex doesn't feel "needed" or appreciated if they didn't help make you.......

so maybe if i become the ghetto bitch that will curse you out and break your shit, i'll get somewhere right???? NEVER

if the dummies can't meet me half way , AT LEAST.......I'm GOOD..any dude that allows a female to treat them like shit...is weak. low self -esteem, lack of self -confidence. whatever psychological term you want to use....my personality is too strong, heart is too big, hair stays laid and face TOO BEAT to deal with an anything ass, no standard having ninja....
i'm so over it it's pathetic


what i HAVE decided to do is be patient......

Dont' Fret!!! i have also devised a plan ladies; a plan for reverting back to " bitch-a-lisms"....(see below for a brief overview)

1) stop breaking your neck to answer the phone/respond to texts / @replies on twitter/fb status comments/myspace messages/bbm's..he can wait
even when you're not busy. ACT like you are
Think about how many times you've called and he " just wasn't by his phone", " didn't hear it ringing", " battery was dying" or just plain didnt answer it....w etake whatever pitiful ass excuse they give and then what we do? repeat the EXACT same behavior.... sending texts, calling fom other numbers ans hit then get mad when he answer the unknown joint..BITCH.BOO.BYE........stop it now

2)stop giving up the puss..... ESPECIALLY For NOTHING...<~~~~ another topic in itself< i digress...........
if it gets that bad, keep a couple vets in the cut for some throw -back action, but do NOT add to the numbers..or quiet as kept, u can contact me, i will take you to "the store" in georgetown, get you right......Translation: go to toy store/toy party with your friends <<<~~~~ will touch on this topic in the near future.
honestly though ladies, it's b/c of us and our Emmy Award performacesthat these ninjas think their sex is that deal anyway...i mean dudes SWEAR you are hooked and lose all mental capacity afterwards..Chile Cheese....
when reality is ....nevermind..(LOL)

3) set standards and KEEP them. Dont adjust shit for their asses
they don't do it for us. women give more benefits than: Aetna, Care First, Blue Cross / Blue Shield and whatever other insurance providers are out their..STAY giving passes ....CEASE FIRE....They don't give us a pass FOR ANYTHING


i think i'm done ..for now


feel free to add any comments






Loving Me, Loving Me, Loving Life





'Tis All

Me

Peace(s) of me ...Pt.2 ALL MINE

*sighing* <~a good thing newbeginningsnewlovenewlifenewme...passionfruit, cookiemonsters. smith is still MY GIANT,larger than life ..
E ,MY heart...Jack,MY e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g..MYbutterfly has s p r e a d HER wings....Nik MY air........Vic, MY star
Cha Cha Mybaby little/BIGsister.....Angiebaby, sugarplum MY twin...MoMo, my sanity....JayB, my soul(sister)..his voice, MYcalm MYpeace....MY Champion, .....1433 MY refuge....Dyson MY wit, common sense.....Parler, MY motivation/inspiration...Taylor, MY rose....JoJo MY joy....Fats, MY baby MY siamese.......TiffLove (personified) MY ups when I'm down.......krisLaMa MY advice....MJ, MY giggles!.........

Happiness: MY laughter, MY joy, MY smile...MINE at last...
Peace: MY calm, MY spirit...MINE to have.

Life: MY faults, MY mistakes, MY experiences...MINE to live...
Love, MY heart, MY soul, My imperfections....MINE to give..........

-Me








I've been through alot , some you all know, some you will NEVER know..thankyou anyway...just because



*smooches*

Butt Naked

*sigh*.........where do i begin...let me just warn you all now: i have alot to get of my chest.......





i title this particular piece "butt naked" because that is exactly how i've been feeling lately, ASS OUT... confused, not a fucking clue in the world... [bear with me family ]...so i was on the phone with one of the besties the other week and we both came to a startling revelation: its really fucked up out here. Especially dating wise...ALMOST a lose/lose situation: below i'm going to list some of the reasons/scenarios /types of people we discussed to come to this conclusion: (at the end comment and tell me if you can relate)








1) doesnt have a child,has children



ladies:now this doesn't have to be all bad . If they are taking care of the children and being honest about the relationship w/her .....*sideye*...... ok STOP RIGHT HERE let's be clear on the difference in baby muva relationships (yes I said muva): 1)if she's always calling YOU, always knows YOUR business, theres always something "wrong" with the kids, everything is so fucking urgent, mysteriously gets every number YOU have, pops up at the crib THEY ARE STILL FUCKING/SEXING/HAVING INTERCOURSE . whatever you want to call it. see, what he does is, he becomes a peacemaker. he will explian everything to u in a way so that u actually believe he's doing evertything to "keep the peace"(a.k.a not have to pay child support) what he's doing is leaving that window open so whenever he wants, he can call slim for sex. and not just any sex; raw/uncut/he-can-cum-in-her-as-much-as-he-wants-cause-she-already-had-his-baby sex......on the other hand if he does have kids and DOESNT do shit for them, and blames everything on his baby muva, then u have to question yourself for wanting to deal with a dead beat ass ninja












2) the "friend"...



this is my fave..im sure ya''ll have met a couple of these..."not-ready-for-a-relationship-but-i-want-to-do-everything-like-we're-in-one" ass ninjas... alot of times they appear to be "the one"..they woo you in with all the right words, conversation, outings; make you feel beautiful; all the compliments in the world, financially stable, great with family;.....*sigh*......basically all the things on your "list".......then one random day you all are having a convo, after you realize how much u like him and that's when he drops the bomb. 9/10 some ignorant, unappreciative hoodrat has made him this way b/c we all know men don't recover as well (if at all)..."he" doesnt want a relationship right now"; "not looking for anything with anyone"; "cherishes the friendship too much to mess it up" blahblah-freaking-blah....so now you're looking like a dickhead, completely confused on what to do about the situation and your feelings; you would think that someone so averse (<~~S.A.T word) to a relationship wouldn't conduct themselves in this way.......



now i will play Devil's Advocate for a moment( for the men): Alot of times in this situation ladies, they DO STATE THIS UPFRONT> but for some odd reason we think we might be the one to change it..... every female swears they have platinum puss that will change a man....NEGATIVE







3)"i got a girl/wife BUT............."



these pitiful ass ninjas here..smh.....these men almost make u not want a relationship......they are ALLEGEDLY so unhappy with their situation, but will nothing of the sort to leave it...."she doesn't understand him"; They're "always arguing"; "things just aren't the same"....so then they approach you like u have "SIDE JOINT" accros your forehead trying to sell you dreams, until one day you wake up : if he would do this to her, what makes me thinkg he won't do it to me?....you'r eprobably not the first or the LAST for that matter that he will use as a sub until the start of the game is ready to go back in..... and the MARRIED men????? FAIL....what gives these whorebags the nerve to approach you, WITH their ring on in public, like it's a regular piece of jewelry, an accessory, a David Yurman bangle (#shallowmoment)...they will tell you whatever but they are NEVER leaving their wife/girlfriend for you. whether he likes /loves or whatever other "L" word you want to substitue, HE'S NOT LEAVING. if he has money, he may buy you shit, take you places, blahblahblah, but SHE'S his wife/girl for a reason........and for real for real, if u could ask her, HER side of the story? please, she probably has her own list of reasons as to y she "always picks arguments" or is "acting differently"...knowing women she's probably BEEN dipping out on his ass.....<----whole other other topic



4) gay men that don't "know they're gay"



i don't have to elaborate too much on this one... questionable actions/phrases..and the fact you caught him playing in your pumps...(LOL I'm playing!!!.....maybe not.. *sideye*)







~~>this is just a few of the ones we came up with . feel free to add more in the comment section<~~



Now all men are not ALL bad. So ladies' if you have one, a GOOD one, appreciate him. Just like we go through things, so do they. They will never be perfect. NEVER...but the other side to that is, NEITHER WILL WE. Stop picking petty ass arguments, looking thru phones texts, e-mails, photos, chats; stop trying to piece info together on twitter/facebook/myspace/blackplanet and whatever else.....{you don't want to push him into the arms of a woman who doesn't mind being number 2, because you have to remember: as i stated in the beginning, it's difficult out here , dating wise; there aren't alot of "available" ,"decent" , "straight" men, that are willing to commit or even date to see what a friendship could develop into} It's definitely and "every woman for herself" world out here

...............now back to your crazy ass........



how are you going to explain that you found a phone number in a shoebox in the closet? or a bottle of women's perfume under the sink in the back of the cabinet,next to the spray clorox ,that was UNDER the cleaning rag?.. when you go LOOKINg,you will eventually find.. if he's good dude accept him, flaws and all. The relationship is not just about you.... love him , and love him hard. communicate, be his friend, show him he's worth it......





"BUTT NAKED"

i think I may have found the answer as to why it's so difficult. (for me at least)



I just realized how clueless i was to "dating"; why this is the hardest in life I've ever had to do. I don't know what i'm doing; don't know what to expect; don't know when to say when....there is no manual, no how to instructions. the person that was supposed to be my example has been non-existant my entire life...i never thought his presence was that important b/c in my eyes, especially at a younger age, moms had it covered. i never missed a beat; had everything i wanted and needed; still do. but a woman can NEVER be a man and vice versa...so as i embark on this journey of dating as an adult, with all the other bullshit i have to deal with in life, at least (in my opinion) i'm better equipped to handle those situations.....with work/career situations, i went to college:taught me critical thinking, time management, financial planning , to be socially diverse, and whtever other stuff my major entailed. but this dating thing, i'm so lost....i think the most frighteneing part about it , is that in dating, especially for women the older you get, there is really NO room for trial and error. Nobody ever looks at the promiscuous 12 year old and says " you know what, maybe she's looking for love in the wrong place", or the 16 year old that gets pregnant, maybe she wasn't being fast; maybe she thought that after 16 years of her life there was someone of the opposite sex that was attentive to her, and showed her, HER idea of what love was. Women never really get to bounce back the ,scarlet letter is permanent.....i don't know...maybe I'll figure it out, maybe ya'll will enlighten me.......



until then i'm going to continue to fall deeper inlove with myself, so when the time is right, i can be able to love somebody else......







*smooches*

until next time,



Loving me , Loving you , Loving life.

DON'T JUDGE ME

I'm one of my moods so I feel like writing................


"DONT JUDGE ME"
This phrase is somewhat of disclaimer, to back up any buffoonery, excuse any stupidity, give a pass for any and all of the crazy bullshit that I do, or to just give you a second to htink before you comment or respond on something i've done or said; a slight reminder that you've done some bullshit in your life as well.....It's ok, you can borrow it..............

*depending on how hungry I am, I will eat a "snack" while I'm cooking or waiting for something to heat up...so what

*I laugh at people....all the time though..I'm trying to stop , Really; I am ( no I'm not)

* I STILL go to the g0-go...ALL THE TIME...and I prefer them to the wack ass " i'm spending my whole check on an outfit and one bottle that I'm not going to drink I'm just going to stunt and hold this bottle all night" clubs or the "i have nothing else to offer so i'm going to dress like a sleeze and pray i can catch a joint in here" lounges....Every go-go is a party .....and yes u will find me and the other cunts sprinkled throughout, dressed for homicide, in a pump, hair layed , face beat ,partying like it's 1999.... so what....sue me


* I will spend my LAST on cosmetics......and /or a shoe....I actually see it as an investment in my career and future entrepeneural pursuits...


* I text and tweet in church....only during "commercial brakes"


*I can't stand foreign ppl.....I hate trying to decipher and put together sentences out of broken English and a heavy accent...just boils my blood


*I call all Chinese People ...."the China Man".....ignorance at it's finest..i know


*I frown upon men in coupes or "mini trucks" that should be coupes and i HATE "crossover" vehicles> the only acceptable one in my book is the cadillac joint( non-acceptable ie: Rav4, Escape ,Forrester) with a few exceptions.....

*i buy cookie dough to eat raw.....haven't actually baked a cookie in ages


* i'm late for church almost every Sunday, because I "have to run to Target really quickly for something"..............

*"Natural people"get on my nerves......I call them 'Bahamadia's or Nashi- Ramba's (frm that episode of Martin)


*i hate feet but am always lookin at other people's....i can't for the life of me understand how some people aren't embarrased to show those monstrosities



i think i'm done for now>>>>>>




FEEL FREE





Sometimes Shallow, Always loving,




Me






*

What's Love Got To Do With It????

Good Morning babies!!!!!









Been a while, I apologize...............sooo much going on, but it's exciting!!!





Today we are going to get into some serious shit....Men and women have had this "issue" for decades, eternity even........



A few weeks ago i was posed a question by my bf:

"how do you set standards without making the next man feel like he's paying for the previous man's mistake? "

warning: this will have alot of rambling, ranting, emotion, personal opinions , scenarios [ you get the picture]...

here we go

First things first , the problem is: standards need to be set in the beginning...if we set clear standards and hold ourselves accountable noone will have to pay for anything b/c there will be a clear set of "rules" for every person. As i engaged in my daily dose of social networking(Twitter) and interesting topic was brought to my attention: basically, in a nutshell, "women don't know what makes them happy." I couldn't disagree or agree with this statement more (attitude forming as I write *smile*) ..............I always play devil's advocate.....now , for those like me, whose fathers were actually just sperm donors, we didn't have the "normal " example of a man. So my "happiness" may come from more trial and error; But at 26 , i am very aware of the things that warm my heart. Now for anyone that may not know: make a list, write that shit down. That's what I did. Now the problem arises when we deviate from what we know we want. Ladies , we do this all the time especially during this recession. [sidebar: the recession does not only refer to monetary issues. There is a recession when it comes to the dating pool as well]

Now my list ( and the other cunts will tell you ) is to HERE and I am not ashamed to share some of it with you: ( no particular order)

1)larger than life: when i say i like the biggest ninja in the building??? that's what i mean....i love height and thickness ( fanning myself) i love it ..I'm 5'9..220 , in flats soooo.....

2) certain level of spirituality: doesn't have to be a deacon at a church, but some type of relationship with God

3)personality: i love to laugh, be mentally challeneged and charmed...if u have all of these....check!

4) ambition/goals: ok so i understand everyone may not have wanted to attend or finish college, but you HAVE to have a plan; goals and follow through to make up for it

5) open-minded: i like to do any and everything and will try almost anything once..a man who will be open to different things or even do them just so he doesnt hear my mouth.....(lol)

ok so these are just a few of the "list to there" that i have..............

fast forward to the present....i think i've "him"......let me first explain to you what "HIM" means: that person that every one told you u were crazy for thinking they existed, HIM; the one dude that makes you raise whatever standards you had or create new ones u didn't have, HIM........YUP found him.....Now dont get me wrong I'm not walking down the aisle next week, matter of fact, he's not even my dude. But the things I've learned about men and myself just from interacting with "HIM"....................

NOW i'm about to get really personal ( as if I don't any other time right).....over the years i have come to realize one common flaw in all females: WE NEVER THINK WE DO ANYTHING WRONG. We will be ready to read a dude in a second; " why do you have that on?" " i know youre getting your haircaut before we go" "when are you going to get a job?" "When are you getting a new job" "Why don't you wear ______(fill in the blank) like this" "I don't like your friends", " You get on my nerves".............. But think about if he said the same stuff to us?? the only thing a woman MIGHT have sympathy for with a man is sex; and that's ONLY if we really like you.....men willl lie to make u to make u feel good in that too small dress when he really wants to tell you you look like a water buffallo, he can't stand any of your loud hating ass friends, he has the car he has b/c it was given to him by his parents and he doesn't have a car note and he's trying to find a way to keep money in his pocket for all the bags and pumps he's spoiled your as with over the years.....but of course we don't think this way.....it's ok it too me14 years to figure this much out and there's still a wealth of information to be discovered ( dont worry I'll share)>>>>>>soooooooo back to "him"

when i tell ya'll this ninja exposes everything about me, just because he knows how to be so real with me. Ya'll know exactly what I mean too: when they call you boo while they're cursing you out?or check ur ass/put u in your place then kiss you to signify that it's the end of the convo and not up for discussion,?<--------one of my faves; Complain about how long you take to get dressed, while giving you a time frame in which u need to be ready for dinner at a restaurant that HE picked out?? HEAVEN, ok????? BUT.........there's the parts of me that i try to keep hidden......here goes....I have a horrible time trusting ppl, not even just men, and i keep as much to myself that i can until i absoultely have to expose it. Haven't been completely open and honest from the beginning in AGES....by that i mean, I won't lie to you, but i won't tell you unless you ask me either.....scarred i guess...petrified of bearing (?) my soul for another ninja to play me? Chile Please;Me give my all for a dude that doesn't know how to appreciate it even a little? *sideeye* yeah ok; be all hype and shit from a couple cute outings, spend all my time with him for him to tell me he "doesn't want a relationship right now" ( mind u no sex involved) u have me fucked up, royally.... so i had eventually become the woman i never wanted to be with the same characteristsics of the same men i complained about.......this this ninja comes along........called me out on all my shit. ALL OF IT, and it's sad because i THOUGHT i had pin pointed all of my flaws and had begun to work on them..but you know what? i've never been happier to find out, (or have someone else point them out)...........*cue "Flaws & All" Beyonce*..................so I thank and appreciate"Him" .....you get all the Reeses and Gatorade/Vitamin Water in the world.....*muah*....

feel free to comment, I actually want you to voice you comments /concerns/thought/feelings

'til next time

LOVING ME, LOVING YOU, LOVING LIFE,

ME